ADHD

One of the things that made last year super hard was that we decided to put Lincoln on ADHD meds.  It was not an easy decision.  I hate the thought of it actually.  However, the difference we have seen in his behavior is crazy.  Last year he was having a hard time with his impulse control at school.  He is not defiant at all.  He just gets super excited about things and is either too loud or just can't control himself.  I had long suspected Linc to have ADHD and even talked to his Kindergarten teacher about it.  At that point I was trying to figure out if I was doing something wrong parenting wise or if there were other issues.  He was an absolute handful at home and I was about to pull my hair out!!  He has always been a mess.  I can remember blogging about this alot over the years.  His Kindergarten teacher blew me off, but when it became a problem in his first grade class, we went to the doctor and talked about it.  He fell in line with most of the ADHD symptoms and we decided to test out a medicine.  After tweaking it a time or two, we are finally at a good place.  It has helped him IMMENSELY! He has had no trouble at school this year at all.  I think he was fortunate to get a teacher this year with a bit more understanding and tolerance too.  His concentration is so much better.  He is calmer.  The biggest downfall is the loss of appetite.  Breakfast is fine.  He eats a big breakfast, but once his medicine gets in his system, he just doesn't want to eat much at all.  That has been one of the hardest things for me---to watch him lose weight.

ADHD is a frustrating thing.  At Christmas, Kris' office had a party at The Butcher Shop.  We were all sitting at a table with another family.  At one point towards the end of the night, the lady looked over at me and said something like "he never stops does he?" about Lincoln (in other words, he was a live wire).  It wasn't really ugly, but it was just the way she said what she said.  To me, it had judgment in it.  I don't know whether it was judgment of me because I wasn't making him settle down or judgment of him because he was a bit out of control.  I remember for a split second thinking that I should tell her that his ADHD medicine had worn off to try to explain it, but I didn't.  I probably should have.

We left shortly after that and I was so frustrated.  I was frustrated with Lincoln, that lady, and myself.  I was frustrated with Lincoln because he just couldn't seem to settle down even with being told to multiple times.  Why can't he just listen and do it???  I was frustrated with myself for not doing more about it.  Maybe I should have taken him outside or to the bathroom to try to get him to calm down?  But I left there feeling down.  I started thinking about the lady and how people who don't have someone in their family with ADHD probably just don't get it.  I have to admit that I have looked at kids before who were acting wild and wondered why in the world those parents weren't controlling their kids.  I am not saying that every kid that is acting wild has ADHD by any means.  I am just trying to make the point that sometimes people (myself included) judge others when we really don't know the full story.  It has definitely made me more empathetic with people.

I read this article recently that someone shared on Facebook and I wish I could get everyone in the world to read it.  Maybe then people would understand this behavior more and there would be less judgment and more empathy.  It really helped me.  Here's the article: http://quotespaper.com/quotes-about-life/5871

20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD

It’s a fact; a person with ADD is hard to love. You never know what to say. It’s like walking through a minefield. You tiptoe around; unsure which step (or word) will be the one that sets off an explosion of emotion. It’s something you try to avoid.

People who have ADD/ADHD are suffering. Life is more difficult for them than the average person. Everything is intense and magnified. Their brilliant minds are constantly in gear creating, designing, thinking and never resting. Imagine what it would feel like to have a merry-go-round in your mind that never stops spinning.

From emotional outbursts to polar opposite extremes; ADD presents several behaviors that can be harmful to relationships. ADD is a mysterious condition of opposites and extremes. For instance, when it comes to concentration, people with ADD cannot concentrate when they are emotional or when their thoughts are distracted. However, when they are interested in a specific topic, they zone in so deep that it’s hard to pull them out of that zone. Starting a project is a challenge; but stopping it is an even bigger challenge.

True love is unconditional, but ADD presents situations that test your limits of love. Whether it’s your child, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or soon-to-be spouse, ADD tests every relationship. The best way to bring peace into both your lives is to learn a new mindset to deal with the emotional roller-coaster that ADD brings all-day-every-day.

Understanding what a person with ADD feels like will help you become more patient, tolerant, compassionate, and loving. Your relationships will become more enjoyable and peaceful. This is what goes on in the mind of a person with ADD/ADHD:

1. They have an active mind

The ADD brain doesn’t stop. There’s no on/off switch. There are no brakes that bring it to a halt. It is a burden that one must learn to manage.

2. They listen but don’t absorb what is being said

A person with ADD will look at you, hear your words, watch your lips move, but after the first five words their mind is on a journey. They can still hear you speak, but their thoughts are in outer space. They are thinking about how your lips are moving or how your hair is out of place.

3. They have difficulty staying on task

Instead of keeping the focus on what’s in front of them, people with ADD are staring at the colors in the painting on the wall. Like walking through a labyrinth, they start moving in one direction, but keep changing directions to find the way out.

4. They become anxious easily

As deep thinkers, they are sensitive to whatever is going on around them. Being in a noisy restaurant can sound like you are standing in the front row at a Metallica concert. A depressing news snippet can set them into end-of-the-world mode.

5. They can’t concentrate when they are emotional

If there is something worrisome going on, or if they are upset, a person with ADD cannot think of anything else. This makes concentration on work, conversation, and social situations almost impossible.

6. They concentrate too intensely

When the doors of their mind open, the person with ADD dives in like a scuba diver jumping into the deep ocean.

7. They have difficulty stopping a task when they are in the zone

And under the deep ocean is where they stay for hours. Even when their oxygen is running low, if they are enjoying the view, they won’t come up for air until they’re almost out of oxygen.

8. They are unable to regulate their emotions

For a person with ADD, their emotions are flying wild, out of proportion and cannot be contained. The tangled wires in their brilliant brains make thought and feelings difficult to process. They need extra time to get their systems up and running properly.

9. They have verbal outbursts

Their intense emotions are hard to regulate. Since they impulsively say whatever they think, they often say things they later regret. It’s almost impossible for them to edit their words before they release them.

10. They have social anxiety

Feeling uncomfortable knowing that they are different, people with ADD are often uncomfortable in social situations. They are afraid they will say something foolish or react inappropriately. Holding back feels safer.

11. They are deeply intuitive

For people with ADD, the surface is an invisible exterior that they penetrate. They see beyond it. This is the most enjoyable aspect of ADD. This inspirational trait is what makes creative geniuses. Inventors, artists, musicians, and writers thrive in this zone.

12. They think out of the box

Another wonderful aspect of ADD is that because they think differently, their abstract minds see solutions to problems that the concrete thinker cannot see.

13. They are impatient and fidgety

Annoyed easily, wanting things to happen immediately, and constantly playing with their phones, twirling their hair, or bouncing their leg up and down; a person with ADD needs constant motion. It’s a calming Zen activity for them.

14. They are physically sensitive

Pencils feel heavy in their hand. Fibers in fabric that most people wouldn’t feel can be itchy. Beds are bumpy. Food has textures you can’t imagine. Like The Princess and the Pea, they can feel a pea under twenty mattresses.

15. They are disorganized

Piles are their favorite method of organizing. Once a task is complete, papers related to it are placed in a pile, where they stay until the piles grow too high. That’s when the person with ADD becomes overwhelmed, frustrated, and cleans up. People with ADD have to be careful to not become hoarders. It’s hard for a person with ADD to keep things in order because their brain doesn’t function in an orderly manner.

16. They need space to pace

When talking on the phone or having a conversation, people with ADD think better when they are in motion. Movement is calming and brings clarity to their thoughts.

17. They avoid tasks

Making decisions or completing tasks on time is a struggle. Not because they are lazy or irresponsible, but because their minds are full of options and possibilities. Choosing one can be problematic. It’s easy to avoid making decisions because they are over-thinkers. They obsess and dwell in the depths of their own minds.

18. They can’t remember simple tasks

Another paradoxical trait of ADD is memory. People with ADD can’t remember to pick up their clothes at the cleaners, milk at the grocery store, or appointments. On the other hand; they remember every comment, quote, and phone number they heard during the day. No matter how many post-its or calendar reminders they set; their distracted mind is always elsewhere. Visible items are easier to remember. That’s why they have fifteen windows open on their desktop.

19. They have many tasks going on at the same time

Due to the constant activity in their mind, once a task is finished, they are ready to move on to the next task without closing up the prior task. The more going on at once, the better. Multi-tasking is one of their favorite activites.

20. They are passionate about everything they do

The emotions, thoughts, words, and touch of a person with ADD is powerful. Everything is magnified. This is a blessing when channeled properly. When a person with ADD does something, they do it with their heart and soul. They give it all they’ve got. They are intense, perceptive, and deep. This quality is what makes the person with ADD so lovable.

Basically, a person with ADD/ADHD has trouble controlling their impulses. They also have many awesome qualities that you will enjoy once you understand how they think and feel. Compassion, empathy and patience will carry you through the most difficult times. It’s important to take extra care of yourself; take alone time regularly, do what you enjoy, find a support group, a therapist or a compassionate wise friend, take frequent vacations, meditate, find hobbies and your own passion. Most of all, learn how to breathe.

Some of the greatest inventors, artists, musicians, entrepreneurs, and writers had ADD/ADHD. They succeeded because they had a loved one just like you supporting them through their daily struggles. Replace your anger with compassion. Realize how they struggle to do what comes easy to you. Think of the ADD brain, as one with electrical wiring in the wrong circuits. Next time you think that they are lazy, irresponsible, disorganized, and avoiding responsibilities; try to remember how hard they have to work extra hard to achieve a simple task.

Yes, ADD/ADHD people are hard to love, but once you understand the burden they are carrying, your heart will open up. Love and compassion will take the place of anger. You will see into their sweet and good soul.

So, I don't know exactly how all this will play out with Lincoln.  All I know is he is one special child, not just because of the ADHD, but because God made him Lincoln.